This month is a heavy month for me. Each year, it seems to bring with it the same feelings of grief and confusion, like an old, familiar weight that settles in my chest. The heart is heavy, and the words flow out of me like a faucet I can’t seem to turn off. It’s as if my whole body responds to this time of year—perhaps it’s the chronic pain I live with, the kind that doesn’t let up, yet I’m unwilling to spend my writing time dwelling on it. Maybe it’s the grief, the loss of so many dear ones around this time, that haunts me, lingering just below the surface.
But maybe it’s something deeper. Maybe it’s because God meets me most profoundly when I’m in this place—when I’m not so distracted by what’s going on around me, but rather, when I’m fighting the battles within. It’s in these quiet, reflective moments, where the outside world fades, that I feel His presence most strongly.
In these times, we often mask what’s going on, afraid that no one will understand. We feel alone, sometimes unable to articulate the thoughts and feelings swirling within. It becomes a silent cry, a plea to be understood… and yet, by who? The weight of that loneliness, of feeling like no one could possibly grasp the depth of our pain, is overwhelming. But even in that silence, when words fail, there is One who listens, who understands every unspoken word, every tear, every sigh.
This morning, as I sit here, not even barely past the breaking of the dawn, already snuggled beneath my blankets on the couch, I feel the Lord stirring within me. Because there are others out there—others who are in pain, whether it be physical or emotional. Others who, like me, find this time of year particularly difficult, who are carrying burdens that feel too heavy to bear.
I want you to know that you’re not alone. Your pain, your grief, your confusion—they are seen. They matter. And while I may not have all the answers, I do know this: there is something sacred in these moments of vulnerability, in the way our hearts break open and our words spill out. It’s in these moments that God draws near, that He speaks to us in the silence, in the depths of our hearts.
So, as we navigate this heavy month together, let’s not shy away from the feelings that arise. Let’s allow ourselves to feel, to grieve, to reflect. And in doing so, let’s open ourselves up to the possibility that God is right here with us, ready to bring comfort, peace, and even a glimmer of hope in the midst of our struggles.
What’s weighing heavy on your heart today? Take a moment to bring it before God, trusting that He’s already at work, even in the unseen places of your life.
“For the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
You are not alone in your pain. I’m here, walking this path with you, and more importantly, God is here, holding us both close as we journey through this season.
Love Sarah x.
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Thank you for this Sarah. I don't know if you are aware, but you've painted a beautiful picture here of the true nature of spiritual warfare when a heart for God is fighting the battle. The gifted spiritual warrior knows that the armor we have is held in place by He who is within in us, stronger than anything that comes against us. Truly, inspired writing. I am praying for you.
Strange, isn't it, how the brightest, warmest seasons for everyone else, are often some of the darkest, coldest times for us. Memories of long ago disasters - or, worst, the more recent ones - seem to return like clockwork at certain times each year. It's like being haunted. But there is a path of relief. Yahusha says "Come to Me, ALL of you (everyone of us) who are weary and worn out from carrying heavy burdens (from pain, dark memories, overwork, stress, fear, the results of our own bad decisions, confusion, hopelessness, unrelenting anger, etc., etc., ) and I will provide rest for you". (That's His Personal Promise.) He then continues with, "Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for My yoke is easy and My Burden is light". The more we accept the hard tasks that He wants us to learn to overcome....and asks us to deal with.... the more we learn about Him. When we are willing to lean on Him and trust Him, He then draws closer to us. Easy? No way! But doable? Yes, but not in our own strength. We cannot handle mountains collapsing upon us year after year. Only Yahusha has the Strength for that. He is with you right now, at this very moment. As He stands before you, He is looking deeply into your eyes. He then holds out His strong right hand towards you and takes hold of your hand in His huge, powerful one. He grips yours gently, yet tightly. He then leans forward and whispers, "Stay with Me and I will teach you how to become more than a conqueror through all of this, if you don't give up." He may be our only sunshine in these times of darkness, but, oh!, what a sunshine He promises to be!!!