There are things I don’t talk about very often. Not because I am afraid to, but because they are so deeply woven into me that speaking them feels like pulling at the seams of my own existence.
Your words cut deeper than a two-edged sword into the heart of one who has to witness the suffering of a loved one! Watching the pain and suffering of someone you love dearly is one of the most dreaded experiences to live through! Your words cut deep, and I said, reading it, it could be my loved one, whom you are speaking and writing about in this post! It is so close to my heart and I am writing here as the silent observer. The one who understands pain, the one who spends hours in prayer, seeking answers and at night, when the world is sleeping, I am standing before the Throne, humbly asking for divine intervention, crying without tears and searching for the Heart of God in her suffering! Every moment that passes could be the last but still, I pray, I plea and I seek the Face of the Most High!
I am tormented at the fact that she will leave me, that I did not perhaps do enough to sustain her, that I did not love her enough, spend enough time with her or just did not deserve her! I am in a painful situation that I cannot be with her during these times as she is not living in my country. I am reliving the times I was with her, the times I watched her as she carefully embraced the minutes of each day.
I can say this, in her pain and suffering she remained caring, embraced the fragility of life and the meaning of being alive within her suffering became her way of saying "God has a plan" and "He is in control" and in all this, she started up a webpage where she honor Him and reach out to others (bygraceinfaith.org) and even though her health fails, her love for God grew stronger as she lives out her days to His Honour! She is my pillar of strength, she is the reason I am today and she is my sister.
I am crying through all of this… your love and heart for her is so beautiful to read and I felt every single word. Thank you for sharing, for honouring and seeing her just as God made her. Blessings over you both, lovely 🥰
Dearest Sparrow, sister Sarah ... even though we've never met, you've shared yourself in such a vulnerable way that I do hear you ... somehow I see you ☀️🌻🌻🥰
Thank you for sharing your story, your journey 💖 I see such beauty beyond what words can convey.
I'm right there with you ... here with you and all our wildflower sisters 🙏🌻💞
Thank you, Sarah, for creating a sincere & genuine space where my heart, my story, & journey [very much like your own] feels safe & free ... a place of belonging.
Thank you so much for your stories! I really feel A connection! I have struggled so much, as so many others have but we all deal with the struggle differently. I'm not looking for pity but I just want to give you a little taste of my struggles. In 2003 me and my best friend were in a car wreck. A guy hit us head on. My best friend was killed instantly and I was out for a while but I had 4 breaks in my shoulder. I know I definitely had many angels over me that night because I had a son. I had a son at the age of 15 in 1992 and what a blessing he has been to me! That view never leaves my mind everyday and I miss her very much and yes I have asked, Lord why her and not me? But she's in such a better place. Then in 2005 me and my ex husband had a baby girl and she was so perfect and healthy. But two weeks after she was born she got rsv and we almost lost her but by God's grace she made it through 🙌🏼. She's 20 now and such a big hearted woman even all the things she's been through! Then in 2007 me and my ex husband had another beautiful healthy baby girl. She was born June 16th 2007. So October 17th 4 months later, my second day back to work and I was in training 8-4 and when I was walking to the guards house I noticed my Mom was standing there and crying so hard. The place I was working at said they couldn't find me because I was in training but once I got to my Mom she said one of the girls is at the hospital. I said which one? It was my 4 month old and 1 day old and both of my daughters were at the babysitters house that day and she went to wake my 4 month old from her nap and she wasn't breathing. So after an investigation and autopsy she had passed from SIDS, crib death. Still to this day I keep in touch with her because it wasn't her fault! I hurt and I can't imagine how she hurts as well! She told me and my Mom that because we were still so kind to her it led her and her husband to God! So me and my ex ended divorcing like a year and a half later. Then in 2010 I lost my Dearest biggest hearted in the world, my Mom. She fell in November 2009 and we think she already had the brain tumor but when she fell she hit her head. So I took her to the hospital, they said she was fine and sent us home. 2 weeks later she started acting differently, so we took her back to the hospital and they were like you've wasting your time and money and we said we weren't leaving until they checked her brain again. Sure enough she had a glioblastoma brain tumor which is one of the worst tumors and where the tumor was they couldn't remove it. 4 months later, March 10th she passed! And this past October my father passed with Alzheimer's and she had fallen about 3 weeks before that and fractured his hip. So they did the surgery and he did really well. He looked so much better but then about 3 weeks later, things changed and he passed October 7th which it's weird saying this but I was so relieved because I New where he was and he wasn't in pain anymore and he was also back with my Mom and yes it's hard when you loose both of your parents, especially when my Mom was only 63 but my Dad lived 15yrs more but ever since she was gone it was like he was lost. They were the only 2 people they had ever been with and these days you don't hear of that very often anymore. And boy was I Lost! I was an only child and yes I was spoiled. And yes I still had my Dad but it was different. There has been so much more I could share but I think I've said enough. If it wasn't for God, if God wasn't real I know I wouldn't be here but I have faith and without faith I have no idea what my life would be like! I just pray everyday that I get closer to God because I want to see so many people again and that warms my heart knowing one day I will get to see them again. Thanks for letting me share ❣️🙏🏼🙌🏼
Oh lovely, thank you so much for sharing. Your stories will bless so many! You’ve walked through fires and have come out with your faith and that’s huge! I pray blessings over you and your household today as God holds you up xx
Thank you so much for your kind words! It's hard these days and if I didn't know God and have faith, I really don't know where I'd be right now you know. Thank you for your blessings and I hope you have a blessed beautiful day ❤️
Thanks for this essay, really helpful. You could be speaking about my wife, the story is so similar. She suffers from Chronic pain, she had a tumor removed from her hand back in the 80s, which damaged the median nerve in her right hand. She has been in pain ever since. Through all that time, her faith in God hasn't wavered. She has had all the usual comments, as you state in your essay. The one that used to really hurt was that she must not have enough faith if God hasn't healed her as God doesn't want her to be in pain. Its also heartbreaking to watch her struggle at times.
Thank you for sharing a piece of yours and your wife’s story. My husband is an amazing support but I also know it weighs heavy on him also. But, we keep trusting in God for only He knows why this is our path. Praying 🙏
Isn’t it beautiful that even in the pain we still find a way to glorify and share the love of God. I will serve Him in any way or capacity I can. Bless beautiful ❤️
I have learned that 'why' can be a very dangerous question for me. It allows doubt and challenges my belief in God's goodness. Years ago I read a quote by Os Guinness that said that Abraham didn't know why (he had to sacrifice Isaac), but He knew the God who knew why. Reading those words made a huge difference for my faith and while I may stumble and doubt at times, I always return to the fact that I know the God who knows why and that is enough.
Your words cut deeper than a two-edged sword into the heart of one who has to witness the suffering of a loved one! Watching the pain and suffering of someone you love dearly is one of the most dreaded experiences to live through! Your words cut deep, and I said, reading it, it could be my loved one, whom you are speaking and writing about in this post! It is so close to my heart and I am writing here as the silent observer. The one who understands pain, the one who spends hours in prayer, seeking answers and at night, when the world is sleeping, I am standing before the Throne, humbly asking for divine intervention, crying without tears and searching for the Heart of God in her suffering! Every moment that passes could be the last but still, I pray, I plea and I seek the Face of the Most High!
I am tormented at the fact that she will leave me, that I did not perhaps do enough to sustain her, that I did not love her enough, spend enough time with her or just did not deserve her! I am in a painful situation that I cannot be with her during these times as she is not living in my country. I am reliving the times I was with her, the times I watched her as she carefully embraced the minutes of each day.
I can say this, in her pain and suffering she remained caring, embraced the fragility of life and the meaning of being alive within her suffering became her way of saying "God has a plan" and "He is in control" and in all this, she started up a webpage where she honor Him and reach out to others (bygraceinfaith.org) and even though her health fails, her love for God grew stronger as she lives out her days to His Honour! She is my pillar of strength, she is the reason I am today and she is my sister.
I am crying through all of this… your love and heart for her is so beautiful to read and I felt every single word. Thank you for sharing, for honouring and seeing her just as God made her. Blessings over you both, lovely 🥰
Dearest Sparrow, sister Sarah ... even though we've never met, you've shared yourself in such a vulnerable way that I do hear you ... somehow I see you ☀️🌻🌻🥰
Thank you for sharing your story, your journey 💖 I see such beauty beyond what words can convey.
I'm right there with you ... here with you and all our wildflower sisters 🙏🌻💞
Thank you, Sarah, for creating a sincere & genuine space where my heart, my story, & journey [very much like your own] feels safe & free ... a place of belonging.
My heart & prayers & love are with you 💖🙏🥰
Oh lovely 🥰 thank you so much for being here and walking this journey with me. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for your stories! I really feel A connection! I have struggled so much, as so many others have but we all deal with the struggle differently. I'm not looking for pity but I just want to give you a little taste of my struggles. In 2003 me and my best friend were in a car wreck. A guy hit us head on. My best friend was killed instantly and I was out for a while but I had 4 breaks in my shoulder. I know I definitely had many angels over me that night because I had a son. I had a son at the age of 15 in 1992 and what a blessing he has been to me! That view never leaves my mind everyday and I miss her very much and yes I have asked, Lord why her and not me? But she's in such a better place. Then in 2005 me and my ex husband had a baby girl and she was so perfect and healthy. But two weeks after she was born she got rsv and we almost lost her but by God's grace she made it through 🙌🏼. She's 20 now and such a big hearted woman even all the things she's been through! Then in 2007 me and my ex husband had another beautiful healthy baby girl. She was born June 16th 2007. So October 17th 4 months later, my second day back to work and I was in training 8-4 and when I was walking to the guards house I noticed my Mom was standing there and crying so hard. The place I was working at said they couldn't find me because I was in training but once I got to my Mom she said one of the girls is at the hospital. I said which one? It was my 4 month old and 1 day old and both of my daughters were at the babysitters house that day and she went to wake my 4 month old from her nap and she wasn't breathing. So after an investigation and autopsy she had passed from SIDS, crib death. Still to this day I keep in touch with her because it wasn't her fault! I hurt and I can't imagine how she hurts as well! She told me and my Mom that because we were still so kind to her it led her and her husband to God! So me and my ex ended divorcing like a year and a half later. Then in 2010 I lost my Dearest biggest hearted in the world, my Mom. She fell in November 2009 and we think she already had the brain tumor but when she fell she hit her head. So I took her to the hospital, they said she was fine and sent us home. 2 weeks later she started acting differently, so we took her back to the hospital and they were like you've wasting your time and money and we said we weren't leaving until they checked her brain again. Sure enough she had a glioblastoma brain tumor which is one of the worst tumors and where the tumor was they couldn't remove it. 4 months later, March 10th she passed! And this past October my father passed with Alzheimer's and she had fallen about 3 weeks before that and fractured his hip. So they did the surgery and he did really well. He looked so much better but then about 3 weeks later, things changed and he passed October 7th which it's weird saying this but I was so relieved because I New where he was and he wasn't in pain anymore and he was also back with my Mom and yes it's hard when you loose both of your parents, especially when my Mom was only 63 but my Dad lived 15yrs more but ever since she was gone it was like he was lost. They were the only 2 people they had ever been with and these days you don't hear of that very often anymore. And boy was I Lost! I was an only child and yes I was spoiled. And yes I still had my Dad but it was different. There has been so much more I could share but I think I've said enough. If it wasn't for God, if God wasn't real I know I wouldn't be here but I have faith and without faith I have no idea what my life would be like! I just pray everyday that I get closer to God because I want to see so many people again and that warms my heart knowing one day I will get to see them again. Thanks for letting me share ❣️🙏🏼🙌🏼
Oh lovely, thank you so much for sharing. Your stories will bless so many! You’ve walked through fires and have come out with your faith and that’s huge! I pray blessings over you and your household today as God holds you up xx
Thank you so much for your kind words! It's hard these days and if I didn't know God and have faith, I really don't know where I'd be right now you know. Thank you for your blessings and I hope you have a blessed beautiful day ❤️
Amen and Amen
Thank you for sharing
Been there, done that, still wear the tee-shirt
https://youtu.be/SEWIyqywX0Q?si=3P4RWJ70Z6xYVDPO
This song has seen me through some hard times, reminding me that the blessing in our lives are often not how others would see it.
Aww thank you so much for sharing ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you. I needed this today. You have blessed me.
I’m so glad this post blessed you ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for this essay, really helpful. You could be speaking about my wife, the story is so similar. She suffers from Chronic pain, she had a tumor removed from her hand back in the 80s, which damaged the median nerve in her right hand. She has been in pain ever since. Through all that time, her faith in God hasn't wavered. She has had all the usual comments, as you state in your essay. The one that used to really hurt was that she must not have enough faith if God hasn't healed her as God doesn't want her to be in pain. Its also heartbreaking to watch her struggle at times.
thank you 🙏
Thank you for sharing a piece of yours and your wife’s story. My husband is an amazing support but I also know it weighs heavy on him also. But, we keep trusting in God for only He knows why this is our path. Praying 🙏
What a great piece. My chronic illness was the catalyst to me becoming a writer. God is good in the midst of pain.
Isn’t it beautiful that even in the pain we still find a way to glorify and share the love of God. I will serve Him in any way or capacity I can. Bless beautiful ❤️
I have learned that 'why' can be a very dangerous question for me. It allows doubt and challenges my belief in God's goodness. Years ago I read a quote by Os Guinness that said that Abraham didn't know why (he had to sacrifice Isaac), but He knew the God who knew why. Reading those words made a huge difference for my faith and while I may stumble and doubt at times, I always return to the fact that I know the God who knows why and that is enough.
That’s beautiful ❤️❤️❤️
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Sarah for your article. Hit home for me
I’m so touched this spoke to you ❤️❤️❤️