Unspoken Shadows: God’s Love Beyond Addiction.

I’m not sure if this post is going to be for everyone, and that’s okay, some topics are hard to weave into something delicate. If it’s not for you, I’m pretty sure you’ll know someone who it is for and could use the encouragement. Some might feel uncomfortable reading it, while others will understand me more than they’d like to. So here it goes…

There’s something I’ve come to admit to myself over the years: I have an addictive nature. It took me a long time to understand why, but looking back at my past, it started to make sense. Many of us who grew up in trauma or unstable homes often find ourselves clinging to things that promise comfort. In the beginning, it feels like wrapping ourselves in safety, a sense of control in a world that once felt so out of reach. But over time, that “comfort” becomes something else entirely, a shadow we can’t quite shake. A hold we struggle to break. Many of us gained habits because we grew up around them. In my family, generation after generation passed on addictions that destroyed many, some still in the thick of it to this day. Some took them on because of hurtful words or bullying from others and found comfort in things that they felt at the time couldn’t hurt them.

For me, it’s always going to be a just that, a struggle—too much coffee, the pull toward cigarettes, and the emotional craving to binge eat and not feel anything for even a moment. I did well at times, eating better and starting to feel healthy. I would quit smoking for long stretches until something life-altering happened, and my mind screamed to go buy a pack. I would keep it sensible with coffee until the stress built up, finding myself outside, cup after cup, letting it soothe whatever I’m facing. These three temptations are the ones that linger in the back of my mind, like quiet voices that I know too well.

But even scarier are the ones we don’t quite see as “hard” addictions like alcohol and drugs, yet… they have a hold on so many. Phones, gaming, sugar, shopping, social media and the list goes on…

When I opened up about my struggles—because I tend to overshare and don’t mind letting people see my flaws, (like tattoos on my skin; I’ve got those too)—some genuinely caring people understood. They wanted to help, to encourage me to trust God and let Him work. But sometimes, gave responses that hurt more than they helped. “You just need to pray more.” “It’s unhealthy.” “You don’t have enough faith.” “Your body is a temple.” I know these words come from a place of concern, but they can feel like an added weight, when you’re already carrying more than you want.

In those moments, the unworthiness, the less than creeps in. We think God sees our addictions and turns away, His eyes too holy to look upon our brokenness, our strongholds. We feel the black tar of it all, believing it’s just one more reason He couldn’t possibly love us as we are. But here’s the truth I’m learning to hold onto: God sees beyond the addictions. Where we see shame, He sees our struggle.

He knows the wounds we’re carrying, the weight of battles we’ve fought alone for far too long. And rather than turn His eyes away, He draws closer. In our moments of weakness, He’s not repelled by the parts of us we wish we could hide. Instead, He whispers reminders that break through the lies: There is no condemnation. He leans in with compassion instead of judgment, acknowledging the pain that lingers. He hears our earnest, pleading cries to be released from all that holds us.

And through the battle of addictions, more than I care to write about here, God gave me something invaluable as He began to transform me. He gifted me a heart of empathy for others and a way to meet people in the messy middle. I have more testimonies than I would have signed up for, if we’re being real here. But now, I can look someone in the eye and say, “Hey, I get it. I’m here. Let’s talk it out. Let’s pray.” He taught me to approach others with compassion, not condemnation.

How can He love us, even as we stumble? It’s a question I’ve wrestled with, one that makes me drop my head in shame more often than I’d like to admit… again. But His love isn’t based on our strength, our victories, or our ability to get it right every time. His love is rooted in who He is—a God who calls us His own, even with our flaws, even with our addictions. He sees beyond the surface into the heart that reaches for Him, even when it’s hard. God isn’t in it for the quick fix, He’s in it for the long healing road to restoration. Y’all we are given wisdom on that road and the skills to teach, connect & love others.

So yes, I have an addictive nature. It’s part of me, something I’ve had to work through one day at a time. And there are days I still struggle. Days when the cravings, the urges, the need to numb pull me in directions I don’t want to go. But in the middle of it all, I’m learning to believe that God sees me—truly sees me—and loves me not in spite of my struggle with addictions but right through them.

He reminds me that I am more than my weaknesses. He sees my desire to grow, my efforts to let go, and the parts of me reaching for Him even when it’s difficult. In His eyes, there is no shame I must continue to carry, only grace, sweet mercy and compassion. And as I lean on Him, trusting Him, I find the courage to walk this journey with honesty, letting His love be the strength I lack on my own.

So to anyone feeling less than because of their struggles, God knows you better than anyone. Lean on Him; hand them over—even if it means laying them before His feet a thousand times. You are so loved and understood, and He will give you the strength to reach that place where you will finally be released. Even if the pull feels overwhelming and tries to draw you back, He is stronger, His promises to never leave nor forsake you is truth.

I believe these conversations need to be spoken about in the Christian world. We often feel embarrassed for the battles we’ve faced or are still facing, because somewhere along the lines, these exposed weaknesses equaled lack. The shame can become so heavy that we hide these things in the dark or withdraw altogether. But if we were perfect, we wouldn’t need God, right? I want to hear others’ stories; I want to walk the road with them. I want them to know that God is bigger and greater than any addiction that tries to take them down—and they don’t have to do it alone.

I’m cheering you on and I promise not all my posts hit this raw, but I did always say that this space is real and often deep. So thanks for sticking with me.

Love Sarah x.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” —Romans 8:1

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