Not a Level Field

I’ve changed… Not in a neat, before and after way. Not in a way that fits into a testimony box. I’ve changed in the slow, costly way that happens when God starts peeling back layers I once needed just to survive.

Growth has taken things from me.

And it’s given things back too.

Some days I miss the old version of myself. Even though I know she was shaped by endurance, not freedom. She did what she had to do. She kept going. She survived.

But she wasn’t meant to stay there.

We were created on purpose, for a purpose. Scripture tells us that clearly. But I’m learning that our callings don’t just drop into our laps fully formed. They’re forged.

And forging happens on uneven ground.

There are moments when the new version of me scares me. She speaks now. Out loud. With a voice that was quieted for years. Finding that voice has been healing.

And confronting.

There’s grief in realising how long I lived without it. And there’s courage in choosing to use it now, even when my hands still shake.

I’ve also had to accept that not everything comes with answers. Some things don’t get resolved neatly. Some wounds don’t explain themselves.

Sometimes things just hurt.

And maybe part of walking with God isn’t figuring everything out, but trusting Him enough to keep walking anyway.

Life isn’t a level field.

And I don’t think it’s meant to be.

If it were, we’d never learn how to rely on Him. We’d never learn discernment, compassion, restraint, or faith that actually costs us something. We wouldn’t learn how to listen for His voice when everything else goes quiet.

Calling doesn’t grow in comfort.

It grows in the lessons.

In the waiting.

In the stretching.

In the moments where we realise we can’t do this on our own.

And if I’m honest, that’s where God has done His deepest work in me.

Not on the mountaintops.

But in the valleys.

In the unanswered prayers. In the long nights. In the slow rebuilding. In the seasons where joy and grief sit side by side and neither one is cancelled out.

And if you’re reading this feeling like your life looks nothing like the calling you once thought you had, I want you to hear this.

God isn’t confused by your detours. He isn’t rushed by your process. And He hasn’t forgotten the purpose He placed inside you.

Sometimes the uneven ground is the training ground.

Sometimes the lessons come before the assignment.

Sometimes God is shaping your character long before He reveals the calling it’s meant to carry.

And that doesn’t mean you’re behind or flailing or falling short. Not at all… It means He’s being faithful.

So if your feet feel unsteady right now, keep walking with Him. If your heart feels tender, keep bringing it to Him. If your faith feels quiet instead of loud, that doesn’t make it weak. It makes it real.

God doesn’t waste seasons. Not the painful ones. Not the confusing ones. Not even the ones we wish we could skip.

He uses them.

Every lesson.

Every step.

Every uneven stretch of ground.

Love, Sarah xx.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”-Ephesians 2:10

Reflection Question: What lesson might God be teaching you right now that is preparing you for what He’s calling you into next?

Prayer: God, You created me with intention, even when my path feels unclear. Help me trust You on the uneven ground. Teach me through the lessons I want to rush past. Shape my heart before You place the calling in my hands. I don’t want to run ahead of You. I want to walk with You, step by step, becoming who You created me to be. Amen

If this met you in a tender place, feel free to pass it on.

And if you feel led to support this gal and the quiet work God is doing here, upgrading helps me keep writing and showing up faithfully this year.