More Than Tired

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Epstein Barr Virus, Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis & Chronic Fatigue. This is what I live with daily. I don’t often post anything about my health, maybe it’s because I hope that one day I’ll wake up from it and be healed. But it’s been a three year struggle that I have suffered with silently and, it’s time to let it all out. For you to read or someone else… maybe for myself.

When I first started getting symptoms was after I had what I thought was the flu, followed by shingles. My body was in agony, my exhaustion at a level I had never experienced. And doctor after doctor told me to simply take ibuprofen and rest.

Honestly I thought I was going mad and maybe I was making all these symptoms up. The extreme pain, the sensitive skin, unable to use my hands and legs at times. Even someone brushing past me was like they had hit me with a hammer. The brain fog, the tiredness, migraine, flu symptoms . Even having a busy day left me unable to function for days afterwards. But here’s the thing when you live with chronic pain. When you have a good day, you want to do and fit as much in as possible, even though you know that the day after your body will shut you down. Because that one day reminds you of the energy you once had.

My whole world changed within a few short years and I had no idea why. And when the pandemic started, because I chose to remain unjabbed, I could barely get a doctor to look at me thoroughly as the only thing to exist was Covid. Well, living in Victoria… I was essentially locked out of society for months on end because of my choice.

It wasn’t until I hit a breaking point I’m still not ready to write about, that something was done. God sent me an amazing doctor who listened and got specialists involved right away. And the great thing is they supported the fact I was not going to go the prescription route, couldn’t would be a better word.

Yes, this has completely flipped my life upside down the past few years. But in the rest moments, which is now daily for me, I lay there and listen about God or turn on the audio Bible and more often than not, I just talk with Him. I don’t ask the why question anymore because I know God is in control of everything. All I do is say, “I trust you, Lord.”

Am I still busy? Yes. I went into online ministry full-time. My mind and fingers still go a hundred miles an hour. I’m still a wife and I’m a mama who has 3 boys to raise. How can you slow down? But now I listen to my body and let it rest when it needs to.

I still pray for healing and I will every day I wake and hope that this is just a season and another testimony. But no matter what, I know and lean on the truth and that is that Jesus loves me. This blessing of human experience is temporary and God never promised we would live a pain free life. But He promised to never leave us. That’s good enough for me.

I don’t know who needed to read this and know that they are not alone today. But I’m sure many of us are battling something or know someone that is. You may not always feel it but I’m telling you. God is with you! You have purpose! You are loved and I pray that me opening up about a piece of my walk encourages someone today.

Love Sarah, xx.

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