It’s Not Always About Nice

A story about boundaries, people-pleasing, and the slow undoing of false peace

For the longest time, I thought being nice was the goal.

Smile. Agree. Keep the peace. Be the kind one, the forgiving one, the one who didn’t rock the boat. Somewhere along the way, I tied my worth to how well I could keep others happy. How many yeses I could give. How much of myself I could stretch to meet someone else’s needs.

And for a while, it worked. I was the dependable one. The good friend. The helper. The one who never said no.

But underneath the surface, I was unraveling.

Because it turns out that constantly pouring yourself out for others without boundaries doesn’t lead to peace. It leads to exhaustion. And resentment. And a quiet kind of grief over all the times you abandoned your own heart in order to keep someone else comfortable.

I’ve always been a people-pleaser. Not because I’m overly kind, but because I was desperate to feel like I was finally enough. If I could just keep everyone happy, if I could soften every edge, if I could fix things before they broke, then maybe I’d be safe. Maybe I’d be wanted. Maybe I’d belong.

But somewhere along the way, I started noticing how often I was betraying myself in the name of being nice.

And let me tell you, learning to pull the word no from my lips felt like pulling a splinter from my soul. I still remember the first few times I said it and hated myself after. The guilt, the shame, the overthinking. Would they still like me? Did I hurt them? Should I apologize for setting that boundary?

But the more I sat with Jesus, the more I realized that I was never asked to be everything for everyone.

He asked me to love.

He asked me to serve.

He asked me to shine.

But He never asked me to be nice at the expense of truth. He never asked me to silence myself to keep the peace. He never asked me to burn out so others could stay warm.

And somewhere in that healing, I started to see the difference.

Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit.

Nice is a performance.

Kindness speaks truth, even when it’s hard.

Nice avoids conflict at any cost.

Kindness holds boundaries with gentleness and strength.

Nice says yes with a smile while the soul silently screams.

We are not called to be cruel. We are not called to shut people out or live with a wall around our hearts. But we are called to live with wisdom. To honor the sacredness of our capacity. To listen to the Holy Spirit, even when it means disappointing others.

And here’s something that took me years to learn: you can love people deeply and still say no.

You can be full of grace and still walk away from harmful dynamics.

You can carry the light of Christ and still protect your peace.

You can be kind and courageous. Soft and strong. Gentle and bold.

Jesus flipped tables in the temple. He withdrew from crowds. He disappointed people who wanted more from Him. And He never once apologized for the boundaries He kept.

He didn’t please everyone, but He loved perfectly.

So if you’ve felt stretched thin, if you’ve been saying yes out of fear or guilt, if your version of “nice” is leaving you weary and empty, maybe it’s time to step back and let Jesus redefine what love actually looks like.

It might look like rest.

It might look like honesty.

It might look like walking away.

It might look like choosing peace over pretending.

Because it’s not always about nice.

It’s about truth.

It’s about love.

And it’s about letting the Holy Spirit lead, not the fear of being misunderstood.

You’re not here to be liked by everyone.

You’re here to live free.

Free in Christ.

Free to walk in the light.

Free to let your yes be yes, and your no be no.

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” Proverbs 29:25

And that’s where your peace lives. Not in pleasing the world, but in trusting the One who called you.

Love, Sarah xx.

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