I Used to Read the Bible Looking for Me

Welcome, once again to my Confessions of a fumbling Christian series. There’s all sides to me here—the deep, the raw, the real. But there are also plenty of lessons this Christian woman has & still needs to learn. It’s not perfect here, just honest. Some are what I’m working on, others are things I’ve once done. So let’s dive into this week’s confession!

Confession: For the longest time, the Bible was my book of answers… on me.

I wasn’t reading it to know God-I was reading it to find myself.

I wanted to see me in the stories. Was I a David, bravely facing my giants? A Joseph, misunderstood and waiting for my breakthrough? A Paul, just needing people to see I was changed?

And when I couldn’t find myself? I’d find something that could justify me.

A verse to back up my choices.

A passage that made me feel better about what I was doing.

A promise I could hold onto that would benefit me.

And then there were the stories of the people who messed up.

• Saul, who let his pride ruin him.

• The Pharisees, who were more focused on being “right” than being righteous.

• Jonah, who ran from God because he didn’t like what obedience required.

• The Israelites, who doubted, complained, and kept turning to idols.

And I’d think: “Whew. That’s definitely not me.”

And just like that, I’d feel better about myself.

Yep. I did that.

It hurts to even admit it. To acknowledge that for so long, I treated the Word of God like a self-help book—like it was all about me.

Then I hit James 1:23-24-

“Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”

And suddenly, I saw it.

I wasn’t looking at Scripture as a mirror—I was using it as a filter.

I was picking and choosing the characters that made me feel good about myself.

I was claiming the victories but ignoring the warnings.

I was relating to the heroes but never the villains.

But the truth? Sometimes, I was Saul.

Sometimes, I was a Pharisee.

Sometimes, I was Jonah, running from what God was asking of me.

Sometimes, I was the Israelites, doubting God even after He’d already come through.

And that truth humbled me.

Because I’d spent so much time searching for my own image in the pages that I missed the whole point—the Bible wasn’t about me.

It was about Him.

“These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.” – John 5:39-40

I was searching for life in the words but missing the Word Himself.

And that’s when everything changed.

I stopped looking for a Bible passage that would make me feel good.

I stopped trying to mold Scripture to fit my life.

I let it start molding me instead.

And let me tell you—it’s uncomfortable. It’s humbling. But it’s also freeing.

Because the truth doesn’t bend to my feelings. It doesn’t shift to justify my actions.

It just is.

So, I’m reading in a different light. Not to find me. Not to make myself feel better.

Just to know Him.

Has God ever flipped the script on you like this? Drop a “yep” in the comments if He’s ever checked you.

*Thank You for Being Here!

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With love and gratitude,

Sarah x