God… I Don’t Understand.

“I don’t understand.” I've said that out loud to God more times than I can recall throughout my life. Sometimes it’s not until later, when I look back, that I see why He’s taken me through a valley or a refining period. Other times, it seems unclear, and yet I know those moments have shaped and grown me in some way. But here’s the thing... there are things in my life where I still don’t understand why they happened, and maybe I never will in this lifetime. I think often, as Christians, we don’t want to admit to one another that we simply don’t understand why God allowed something or walked us through a season that still makes no sense.

A few months ago, I had a conversation with someone, and they spoke to me about their doubts. They ended the conversation with, "I feel ashamed admitting that I doubt God. You must think I lack faith." That person could not have been more wrong. Honestly, I’d be more worried if they never had doubts or those "God, I don’t understand" moments. And here’s the thing I’ve come to understand: God isn’t surprised by any of our questioning. He wrote stories of people in His Word who doubted and questioned over and over again.

So then, why do we feel so faithless when we have those very same questions and doubts now?

If you’ve been following my writing for a while, you’ve read about my refining year when my mind was attacked, where I’ve learned to live in daily pain. I don’t know whether it’s because it’s still fresh that I don’t have a clear view of the whole picture, but I still don’t fully understand why God allowed me to hit rock bottom, fighting for my life and mind that year. Maybe I won’t ever know the full depth of it. But I need to be okay with that.

Here’s a little tip for you in those times: If you’re still talking to God, if you’re still living your life for Him, if you’re still getting up each morning and thanking Him… you still have faith. Don’t forget that.

Things might not make a whole lot of sense, but don’t let the enemy tell you otherwise. Hold on to the truth that God is with you, even in your doubts and questions. Remember, our understanding is limited, but His wisdom is infinite.

When we embrace our doubts and bring them to God, we open ourselves to a deeper relationship with Him. In our vulnerability, we find His strength, and in our questions, we discover His faithfulness.

And hey, don’t be afraid to get honest about where you’re at. And certainly don’t feel ashamed for admitting you don’t understand everything. It doesn’t make you less of a Christian, less holy, less... anything. And it certainly doesn’t mean you lack faith. It’s time to get real with yourself, with others, with God... because you never know who needs to hear that someone else has those same questions and doubts rolling around in their mind.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5 (ESV)

Love Sarah x.

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