Beyond the Silence

I was never one for silence.

I needed something. Music playing softly in the background. The television on, even if I wasn’t watching it. The hum of conversation. The sound of birds outside. Anything that meant I wasn’t alone with my thoughts.

Silence felt too exposed. Too vulnerable. In it, I felt afraid of where my mind might wander or what memories might surface when there was nothing else to distract me. Silence left too much room for thoughts I wasn’t ready to face.

So I filled it.

For a long time, silence wasn’t peace.

It was pressure.

Maybe you know that feeling too. The way quiet can feel louder than noise. The way stillness can tighten your chest instead of calm it. The way your thoughts don’t arrive gently, they rush in all at once.

People talk about silence like it’s sacred. Like it’s instantly calming. Like all you need to do is sit still and everything will settle.

But for some of us, silence hasn’t always felt safe.

Not at first.

And yet, somewhere along the way, as the years came and went, something shifted.

I didn’t suddenly become someone who loved quiet mornings or long stretches of stillness. I didn’t master the art of calming my thoughts or sitting peacefully with myself.

What happened was slower than that.

I learned how to stay…

I learned how to sit in the quiet without running. Without filling the space just to avoid what might rise up. I learned how to breathe through the discomfort and trust that God wasn’t asking me to perform peace. He was offering His presence.

Silence stopped being empty.

It became inhabited.

If this feels familiar, if the quiet has ever felt heavy instead of peaceful, I want you to know this piece was written with you in mind.

You’re not strange for needing noise.

You’re not weak for fearing what silence brings up.

And you’re not alone in learning how to sit with what rises when everything else goes quiet…

If you feel led, share this with someone who might need it for their own quiet season.

And if you’d like to support this little space and help keep this gal writing, you’re always welcome to upgrade and walk a little closer this year. I want to go deeper with those who choose these words.

The rest of this piece lives just beyond the quiet wall.

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