A Million Reasons…

I’ve given You a million reasons, God. A million reasons to walk away, to give up, to decide I’m not worth the effort. The questions alone could have driven You off: the endless “why’s,” “how’s,” and “what if’s” I’ve thrown at You in frustration. Why this, Lord? Why now? Why me? Oh, the questions I’ve hurled toward heaven, as if You owed me an explanation for everything I didn’t understand.

And then there were the tantrums—those moments I look back on with a mix of shame and awe. Shame because I see now how small my faith was, how tightly I clung to my own way, stomping my feet when Your plan didn’t match mine. And awe because even in those moments, You never turned away. Not once.

How many times have I fallen, Lord? Into sin. Into bitterness. Into the kind of doubt that leaves me questioning whether I’ve truly surrendered or just pretended to. I’ve said I trust You but lived like I don’t. I’ve claimed I forgive, but deep down, I’ve nurtured the hurt like a wound I wasn’t ready to let heal.

And oh, the waiting. That might be the hardest part. The sitting still when every fiber of my being wants to move, fix, or plan. The waiting seasons where I’ve whispered, “Do You even see me, God?” or cried, “How much longer?” It’s in the waiting that my faith has been stretched so thin, I was sure it would snap.

I’ve given You a million reasons to give up on me. And yet, You stay.

For every question I’ve thrown Your way, You’ve answered with patience and love. Even when I couldn’t see or hear the answer, You were working in the silence. For every tantrum, You’ve responded with mercy, gently reminding me that You’re God, and I am not. For every fall, You’ve lifted me up, dusted me off, and covered me with grace so abundant it still leaves me undone.

I look back on the million ways I’ve failed You, and instead of condemnation, I see a million reasons to trust You.

Because when I fell, You caught me.

When I doubted, You proved faithful.

When I waited, You showed me Your timing was better than mine.

And when I gave You every reason to walk away, You held me closer.

I wonder sometimes if You’re teaching me through my own stubbornness. Because how often have I wrestled with You, only to realize later that You weren’t holding out on me—you were protecting me? How often have I clung to something I wanted so badly, only to see You replace it with something better?

But here’s the thing: even when I don’t understand, even when the picture is still blurry and the waiting feels endless, You remain good. I’ve learned—slowly, painfully, beautifully—that You’re not just good when I get what I want. You’re good because You’re God.

And Your goodness isn’t dependent on me having it all together. It doesn’t falter when I falter. It doesn’t waver when my faith does.

You’ve seen me at my worst and loved me anyway. You’ve walked with me through my deepest questions, my loudest tantrums, and my messiest falls. And You’ve whispered the same truth over and over again: “I am for you. I will never leave you.”

So here I am, Lord, humbled by the million reasons You have to give up on me—and the million reasons You choose not to.

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Friend, if you’re in the questions today, if you’ve thrown your share of tantrums or fallen more times than you can count, I want to remind you of this: God doesn’t love us because we’re perfect. He loves us because He is.

He’s not keeping a tally of your failures. He’s not waiting for you to prove yourself worthy. He loves you, right here, right now, in the middle of your mess.

You might feel like you’ve given Him a million reasons to turn away. But the truth is, He has a million more reasons to stay. Reasons rooted in His character, His promises, and His unshakable love.

So let’s stop trying to earn what He’s already freely given. Let’s lay down the questions, the tantrums, the falls, and the restless waiting at His feet. Let’s trust that His plan is good, even when it doesn’t look the way we thought it would.

Because He’s not going anywhere.

And if you need a reminder of just how faithful He is, take a moment to look back. Look at the ways He’s carried you, provided for you, and loved you through it all.

I promise, you’ll see them—those million reasons to trust Him.

And when you do, you’ll know: He’s never letting you go.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38–39

,Love Sarah x.

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